Mountain Mermaids

These lesser-known freshwater

mermaids are vegetarian versions of the

man-eating marine variety.

Unbound by natural laws, they

are mercurial time and space travelers,

materializing at local watering holes

to swim, drink and sing

all too briefly before

vanishing like a lost thought.

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When ancient creeks were full and flowing, these beguiling creatures were

frequent visitors. Today, sadly they hover on the brink of extinction.

Unlike their carnivorous sisters of the sea, mountain mermaids are herbivores, preferring

algae over anchovies, and leafy greens over lovelorn sailors.

You need not fear them, as they are congenial to humans, more like porpoises

than piranas, welling up from the depths like aqua apparitions to surprise

unsuspecting swimmers, giggling, splashing, and engaging them in innocent watery play.

Absent the abundant streams and lakes of previous times,

thirsty mountain mermaids will show up unannounced in anything of size that can hold water.

You will find them in fountains, swimming pools, hot tubs, and yes, occasionally

even in bathtubs. More than one municipal water facility and reservoir

has reported their presence. Underwater, they breathe via gill slits in their necks,

through which they will forcefully expel water upon surfacing to inhale like a mammal --

which they are, at least in part. Some believe the standard

salt-water mermaids cross-bred with fowl or perhaps even fairies to create this entirely

new species that can hover like a hummingbird and swim like a seal.

Tall, bare-breasted, with cascading manes, they are spellbinding

as they swim through space with powerful tails, be-sequined with silvery scales.

Mountain Mermaids are fairly comfortable out of water, but prone to dehydration,

and have subsequently developed special pores that secrete an iridescent, sweet-smelling

substance to coats their bodies. Eventually it evaporates, along with their

grip on the third dimension, and they fade away, to appear another day. Breathtakingly

beautiful, and profoundly elusive, their lure is legendary.